Self Improvement Articles

 

How Free Do You Allow Yourself to Be?
By Amy Phillips-Gary

In the 1970s Marlo Thomas taught tolerance with the song,
book and television program "Free to Be You and Me."
Decades later, individuals and communities still struggle to fully
embrace the rich diversity of the people around them.

Allowing and celebrating the uniqueness of others is a
valuable practice. You may already be open to these ideas
when it comes to other people in your life, community and
world. But how freely do you let your own self be who you
are and who you are becoming?

Sometimes we are much more tolerant of difference in others
than in our own selves. We can forgive a friend when he or
she is running late for a get together, but become tense,
stressed out and self-critical when we're behind the clock
rushing to an appointment.

Too often we are our own harshest critics when it comes to those embarrassing tendencies absolutely everyone has in some form or another.

It may not be a so-called bad habit either. Perhaps you've
always dreamed of singing on a stage but shove that desire
down because it's just not practical or, it seems, realistic.

It's far easier to counsel the children in your life to dream big or that there are no limits than to take that advice to heart and try it out for yourself. You might have a family to provide for financially and physically, and dreams are kept to and most alive in your literal sleeping dreams.

What would happen if you allowed yourself to live completely
true to who you are? This might sound a bit scary if you
are well-trained in "shoulds" and "have tos."

You have to be polite and only speak niceties to others-- even if they are little white lies. Be responsible and set aside what
you want in order to be the good wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/daughter/mother/father/
daughter/son, etc.

The idea of setting yourself "free to be" may also soundscary because you may not always like what you hide and push
down. "How could they love me if they knew the real me?"
may go through your mind at times.

Or, you could be afraid that you will fail if you take that risk, like auditioning for the community play, for example. Or taking the necessary exams to go back to school. "Who do I think I am to try that?" It is often the case that we confine ourselves to what we think we should be and do because it seems safer and is certainly less risky.

But what about the risks of living your life halfway, or in a totally different direction than your heart is guiding you? What might happen if you do move beyond those self-imposed boundaries and take even a small step past those confines?

Accept and Forgive

No matter how dissatisfied you are with all of your "bad"
habits, move toward acceptance of yourself as is. This
doesn't mean you'll chew your fingernails, eat whole bags of
cookies in one sitting, or explode in anger at your spouse
always and forever.

What it does mean is that you acknowledge where you are without condemning yourself for being there at this moment. Extend to yourself forgiveness if you feel like you've hurt others or yourself.

Make necessary amends and then let go of the image of yourself as a wrongdoer or whatever negative label you might have attached to your role in a regrettable action. When you
accept and forgive what and where you are, you are actually
freer to move forward to what want.

Stay Open and Maintain Your Vision

As you release the judgments and past condemnations you've
possibly imposed on yourself, you can more easily allow
those secretly desired dreams to begin to manifest. Stay
open because sometimes your vision shifts and changes.

For example, in your early 20s perhaps you longed to own and
operate a quaint country bed and breakfast hotel. Now,
several years (or even decades) later, you realize that you
don't desire that kind of life anymore.

You do still enjoy being outdoors, baking and being with others. Stay open and allow those aspects of the original vision to come into being. When you let your life unfold from a place of
expectation and excitement, you often find that your dreams
do come true.

They may look a little different than you thought they would, but watch and enjoy the essence of your dreams happen for you.

"Free to be" can mean whatever you want it to mean. Being
the truest you can be might take the shape of a new career
path, a shift in your love relationship, or trying out a hobby or sport you've always wanted to make time for.

A freer you may also mean that you accept yourself "warts and
all" and extend love and appreciation to your own self for
who you are right this minute. Whatever freedom looks like
to you, I encourage you to tune in and follow its flow for
it will undoubtedly lead you to a more joyous life.
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Amy Phillips-Gary is a free-lance writer, homeschool mom and personal growth adventurer.
 

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Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors of 4 books on relationships and personal growth. To get their FREE weekly newsletter filled with practical tips and ideas for creating more connected, passionate and alive relationships send a blank message to mailto:collins@aweber.com 
or visit their web site at http://www.collinspartners.com 

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